Deep Breaths

Yup, DEEP BREATHS, that is how I plan on getting through the next couple of days...Now to some people what I am going to talk about is really going to seem like "little bumps in the road"...to me it seems like a mountain. I look at my last post and still get a chuckle...kids ARE funny. Any who...this past month has seemed like a non-stop roller coaster...some good and fun and some REALLY- REALLY
S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-L !!!
Carver's Birthday Party went rather smooth, awesome cake, friends, food (which he ate none of because he is so picky!) And no one outwardly argued (does anyone have a family that gets along...if so could you rent them to me???)





And the weekend AFTER his Birthday his Daddy rode his bike up the Mt. Washington Auto Road in the ?32nd? year of the race...might I add that we packed up on a Friday afternoon and Mike drove the truck and camper an hour and a half up to the town at the base of the mountain, set everything up (with two kids "helping") and then we all got NO sleep...Mazzy was awake like 6 times and maybe it was that or the fact that Mike was unknowingly quite ill.....






And so the day after the bike race ...Mike and I left for 6 days to California for a business trip of mine... we did so after much discussion of WHO would watch the kids...we chose two of their preschool/daycare workers who have cared for them ALMOST since birth...(the business trip= in the last year I had managed to get myself into the TOP 25 Agents in my ENTIRE company - coast to coast not just NH!!!)...

FYI...it doesn't matter WHO you choose it is FULL of emotions...but off we flew... to the West Coast...



In case anyone is wondering...the "illness" I was speaking of before Mike's race...decided to show it's ugly face within 24hours of landing in Cali...I woke up Monday morning about 4am when I rolled over and felt Mike burning up (temp of 102)...within an hour I convinced him of letting me take him to a local hospital. (The Fairmont in San Fran had their driver take us before 6am) After a chest x-ray, EKG, blood and urine tests and 4 hours later...he was given IV fluids and antibiotics and released..infection in the lower abdomen...related to bike racing...oh and 10 days of antibiotics that wreak havoc on your intestinal system..

Upon return we did find two happy kids...

However, now the tough stuff begins...last year, about this time, I put applications into a Montessori school local to our area...only catch...they wanted both of our kids to apply because they have an infant toddler program as well as preschool/kindergarten...in April I found out they were accepted...
Our kids are with wonderful people now, however, I was raised with a strong Montessori upbringing and believe strongly in it...try explaining that to a 4 year old and 20 month old that know no other school.
I feel it is a positive change..I do...deep down I do. Mazzelyn is a challenge that needs to be pushed to potential...she keeps us on our toes. Carver as well... as subdued and comfortable with what he knows... I feel it can only be good for him. And ultimately with his daycare...as with so many programs in our lives...the people that matter most have no real say in the day to day happenings. Oh and did I mention he will be leaving his best friend in the world...and Mazzy will be too...Ughhhh...Call it "mommy is mean" or hopefully "mother knows best" either way I have a deep feeling of guilt and honestly a bit of question...how will they fair in this HUGE UPHEAVAL...

For me to go to work and be productive I have to feel my children are cared for, happy, and learning to their utmost potential...I hope I have made the right decision...I have tried to prepare our 4 yr old for this transition and tonight as I put him to bed he simply rolled over and said "Mom, I am just tired, good night...."

So, I will take DEEP BREATHS, and I will paste a smile on my face, please if you see me this week, DON'T CALL MY BLUFF, sometimes in life -

"Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires
COURAGE."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson